Mr. Shit Pants
I had a boyfriend once who asked me to marry him. His looks and his intellectual curiosity could not compensate for the creeping insults disguised
as wit or the ever increasing bouts of inebriation.
By the time “the incident” occurred I was ready to be done.
He became known as
Mr.Shit Pants
We’d been dating a year when he showed up at my flat at 1 am in the morning palatik drunk. He stumbled into my bedroom and I told him “if you think I’m going to sleep with you you MUST be bloody well joking”. What a waste of breath, he was passed out already, so I went and slept on the couch in the front room.5am, he pokes his head around the door and asks me for a bucket. “a bucket?” “yes, a bucket “ he says. “what the hell do you need a bucket for”, I ask. “are you going to be sick?” “no” he says. “I, err, well I kind of had an accident?” I am thinking what the hell kind of an accident and then he tells me he sneezed and he well, err shit himself. OH MY GOD! I didn’t have a bathroom. I rented two rooms on the bottom floor of an old Victorian house and we shared a communal bathroom upstairs. I was going to have to get dressed and go find a bloody bucket and fill it with warm water. And to make matters worse he asks me if I could wash his clothes and meanwhile he will put the bedding in the bucket to soak. I guess he was thinking I could wash the sheets later.
That did it. I was out of there. I gave him the bucket and left.
Finito.
The End
Comments
Good thing you dumped the bloke!~
Oh he ended up being such a nasty vile drunk, and wanted a whore and a nursemaid/cleaner.
Your sketch book is going to be an absolute classic! I think it should be printed and made available to everybody! (hey, maybe he'll come across a copy and read about himself!)
Trainspotting is a very grim film, but really well made. However, it is one I can't sit through again.
Wonder if someone is putting up with him now. Oh, maybe it's that woman who cut her husband's penis off a few years ago.
Awesome page for your book. I agree with Un D that I would love to have a copy of your sketch book!
touche!
:) You MUST write a book about your life,,,hey, you can even illustrate it!
LOL!
Ps Was he a student??
Kris my daughter tried to read trainspotting for a college assignment but she had a very very tough time with the vernacular. It sounds grim.
San, He was married and divorced and not sure about now. I do know that he continued being a total arse.
thanks colette :) now where is that bow and arrow,hum!
You know I have thought about that Jen, but until I started this project wasn't sure how to implement it. I think I may have to consider it.
well, err philip, hum, I haven't pood my pants, but I did get caught peeing on the castle keep stairs once. I think what did it for me is his idea he thought "I" should clean up after him, arg! and I had visions of this being my future and I RAN.
Well Lady, I have other characters in my life lol. My mum used to have names for all my boyfriends and would embarrass me shouting up the stairs when they came a calling, The vampire is here, the undertaker is here, Mr. chin is here.You can tell she didn't like my choice in boyfriends lol, and for good reason. My husband was spared the titles, at least not in front of me :)
Hiay Jane, I hardly recognized you there, hum you look so handsome. Oh was, he a student? no, he was a working man, a postman with delusions of pseudo intellectualism but his only skill was shitism.
Your book is going to be the best there is...I'm loving it.
a) I wasn't drunk, and
b) I cleaned up my own mess!
(did I really just admit to that in blogland for all to see?)
And I thought pissing the bed was bad.